Where do you start? Start where you are!

We all say (at least I do) that when the perfect job or position, or family situation or weight happens we will make that change for the better. We will start on the journey to success. This was my fantasy but I did not get that perfect day, perfect situation, or perfect pair of navy blue pumps with the silver stiletto heels just made for stomping down doubts and fears…

OK… I had a moment, but I’m back.

To make a long story short, perfect did not show up. When I looked at my life there was long way just to get to acceptable let alone perfect. I looked at where I was and where I wanted to be and could not find any tools to bridge the gap. I was stuck.

Sometimes I sat down and sulked and complained about the injustices of life. Other times I built a ‘mansion’ where I was to burn up my energy that I should have been using on the journey and to conceal my abandoned hopes. I spent time and money and emotions in ways that did not serve me or anybody else.

Maybe you cannot relate…

You may not have the bits and pieces of past dreams cluttering up your mental cellar. I have enough for you if you need to borrow some. Ideas and projects abandoned after the initial excitement. It was great at first, but after awhile it all seemed too hard. I had to face this pile when I started this journey, and find a way to pass it just to get to the door.

Whoo! What a climb it is! I have to reach up and grab a place to hold on to, then step on something else and continue to ascend. It is hard at first. Not just the excursion but because I find that I have not allowed myself the chance to mourn my missteps and have not forgiven my self for being a quitter all those times. I feel terrible and slow the climb. This is consuming my thoughts. I look up and the top of the pile looms ahead of me and I wonder if I will ever be past it. As I let my mind wander again, I miss a step. I lose my grip and hit the wall and…Ouch! What a scratch I got! That smarts. I had better pay attention to what I am doing.

A light bulb moment! I knew right then that I needed to bring my focus and attention to the present. I needed to concentrate on the now. If I spent my time only dreaming about the great vacation or the pretty flowers for the yard and never bought a ticket or dug a clod of dirt, my dreams would stay just that—dreams alone. I thought this could be the same thing that was keeping stuck about my money and achievement.

Could that have been the problem all along? Maybe narrowing my focus could solve the problem; at least some of it. For example, I have a goal to be more money conscious and not have surprises that cause me to react with fear to the changes in my budget. That is the big goal. A little goal that might help me reach the big goal is to balance my checkbook. I mean really balance it; to the penny. To write down every penny spent so that I can really be aware of what I am spending. Remember we talked about this, awareness of a behavior or an action is the first step on the road to changing the behavior or action.

This is the easy part. Next, I have to face my failures and lovingly forgive myself. It is unreal how much easier it has been to beat me up for not doing the ‘right’ thing. I have been stuck in a groove of self-recrimination for a while and letting me off the hook feels good but kind of strange. I feel like I have to ‘pay’ for my wrong choices. Oh, guess what? I already have, and will keep on paying for them if I do not clear my heart of the guilt that I hold for not making the grade.

After I see where I am, and forgive myself for what I have or have not done in the past, I now have to decide where I am going next. Not just get the big picture but really map out the route. After I map out the preferred route, then I need to look at the lay of the land and whatever construction (life events) is going on in the area and prepare for an alternate route if the first does not work out. I may be on to something. This is the first real plan I have had in a long time.

Let’s review…

1. I have to become aware of where I am right now. Not just where I want to be. I have to start where I am. If I don’t start here, I will end here.

2. Let go of the guilt that what I did in the past did not work. No more calling myself names and hanging my head in shame. I will tell myself, “I love and forgive you. We learned a valuable lesson, let’s move on”.

3. Prepare for the next step of the journey; really prepare and set out with my eyes wide open so that I can see the detour signs and take the alternate route if I need to.

One last thing…Some of my broken dreams were abandoned too soon. I thought that I had made a mistake and in my shame and embarrassment, I let them go. I did not know that a delay in the program is not a denial. Look at nature; life ebbs and flows and there is a rhythm to follow. Nothing is in perpetual motion. We each have to find our own rhythm and follow it. Not the one set by your peers or family or the new going thing. We have to move at a pace that is real and true for each of us.

But, first you have to take that step. Walk with me; let’s see where the road leads.